(aka The Ivory Tall Tower of Gargantuan Greed)
Ode to a Giant Named Comcast – Part I
A Giant roams and rules… unrepentant… owns us fools;
In an indivisible Kingdom called Money-Money Land.
Our dealings with the Giant, such an exercise in futility.
Taking Herculean strength and best of human ability.
The Giant’s slogan: “I take more and give you less, fast;
What… me worry? After all … my name is Comcast!”
Listen carefully, Comcast’s phone menu, again changed.
My guess it’s his colluded plot to make us deranged.
The Giant is brash, arrogant, steely, the schoolyard bully.
The predictable result dealing with a monopoly fully.
The Giant, he dispenses zero options from to choose;
Another bruise, scary, greedy, merciless and monolithic.
Certainly for us, his fools, nothing short of horrific.
Comcast plays us… wheeling, dealing, with clever spieling,
Promising premiums, channels, services with Triple Play.
Does he want those promises to us abandoned, as in ditch?
In a while, our channel disappears; is that bait and switch?
Once isn’t enough, relentless, the Giant wants, takes more.
What favorite channel or service this time, Your Majesty?
A travesty, antagonizing – what’s Truth in Advertising?
The Giant smells life left of his fools’ disposable income;
Bestowing one service, taking two, honing in for the kill.
Monthly, adding more blatant bogus charges-at-will.
Oh, and what new evil whim tactic will the Giant bestow?
I’m crushed by those black boxes eliminating my HBO.
Once, I had no additional charge for HBO on all my TV’s,
But, he ravaged, took it away as ransom for additional fees.
Comcast the Giant, again demands gold for nothing, fast;
As fewer services are rendered; after all, he’s Comcast.
Comcast and his ivory tall tower of gargantuan greed,
Where dystopian ideas on customer gouging might breed.
While we witness the latest outrage and sleight-of-hand,
As the Giant is now inserting new charges for: On Demand.
Another technical issue… winter snow on my screen,
As on and off sound, pixilation, intermittent signal careen;
You wake, wondering aloud of today’s cable castration,
Is there anything in life you pay this much for frustration?
The Giant smells customer blood and wants more of it,
Even though he takes $23 million a day, net, as in profit.
Charging for “upgrades” that cost him nothing… guaranteed,
Revealed by his ruse regarding, ahem, “faster internet speed.”
And a likely mad wish to stop our mad calls, as in extinguish,
Why else foreign phone reps? Is that Tongues or English?
No-show service techs, ever-rising prices, over-billing,
Another ho-hum day in Money-Money Land, Lucifer-willing.
The Giant’s Kingdom… it’s “family-owned,” he claims,
So “mom and pop,” but please… please stop.
He pulls our leg, as the Kingdom’s a parasites paradise,
An opportunistic infection… such as head lice.
The Giant, he calculates, reads your needs, draws you in;
Feeds and nourishes with services sweet, like honey.
But how long before admitting the Giant Comcast
Is the worst value, ever, for your hard-earned money?
A memo to the misanthrope… I’m going to be blunt,
Mr. Giant, can’t we just pay for the channels we want?
We shouldn’t be channel choice-challenged; we’re pissed!
So many reasons Comcast heads the worst company list.
Outages, “trunk” issues, hellacious service, rising prices,
Over-billing, mysterious charges, frozen accounts;
Residual pain as the bully poking our ribs daily mounts.
The inhumanity and insanity, a behemoth, mercenary,
Profits notwithstanding, pounds the table wanting more;
evidenced by his anti-consumer, anti-trust-be-damned,
ideological, ill-fated desire to acquire… Time-Warner.
(A no-go… and the gluttonous Giant the only mourner.)
His Majesty, the bloated Comcast, always underlying,
Undaunted… unabashed… unflinching… unmuzzled,
Unveiling… before our eyes, the Ivory Tall Tower II;
The latest new Kingdom to imbibe customer stew.
Comcast… spinning one gilding building into another;
How befitting… sort of like a mutated cell splitting
Also, the Giant says two words should ne’er together,
With an aversion to, and never the twain shall meet;
Part of the deceit – he wants their removal; extraction.
The repelling words? Try customer and satisfaction!
(But, sssh, listen! The Giant’s ugly, misshapen foot,
has an Achilles heel… can you say, “class action?”)
Comcast… keep this in mind… I’ll say it just today…
As Millennials are not cable-loyal, and find you passé.
Also, once benevolent Boomers see you still defiant,
And, their increasingly smaller disposable income…
Not defensible… will weaken and slay the Giant.
The Giant called Comcast… and sometimes… Brian,
Babbles about upcoming great content and technology;
Prattling statements about as accurate as meteorology.
Brian said the customer experience is his best product!
But after 45 years… never the case, so, is Brian Lyin?
(Oh, hey, Brian, by the way, more cutting off at our knees,
Another head scratcher, just what are “Broadcast Fees?”)
We’re abused, confused, contused, but, his preference,
As we feel like that poor guy in the movie, “Deliverance.”
You set the standard for taking more… giving less…fast.
Our direction? More genuflection… since, you’re Comcast.