Memo to the Makers of Christmas Commercials

To: You radio and TV executives responsible for creating and approving each holiday season’s commercials. This applies to all products, but specifically, your new car commercials.

From: a beleaguered, tortured individual who cannot get away from those commercials, because they’re constant, everywhere, ongoing … and they ALMOST ALWAYS include “Carol of the Bells.” Quite maddening.

Take note:

1) I’ve had it up to my mistletoes with your lack of imagination.

Not with the commercials themselves, but with your choice of music. Excuse me Mr. Infiniti, and Ms. Mercedes, and Mr. Lexus, and Ms. Alfa Romeo, I find it hard to believe that you car manufacturers willingly spend a collective $2 billion on new car ads during the holidays, and the best your ad agency can come up with is Carol of the Bells????? Again?

2) I’m in marketing and communications.

I get it. I get the concept that using an easily recognizable tune leaves a lasting impression with the viewer. However, what I don’t get is why you use the same tune, year after year after year after year? I must ask, do you not have the wherewithal and imagination to come up with a different one?

3) My background, notwithstanding.

I wasn’t put here to tell you how to run your business, but is it that difficult, for once, God forbid, to use a different tune? Okay, maybe it is difficult to come up with something else. Maybe I can help? Let me think long and hard about this. Wait … quickly, I have it! How about Jingle Bells, Joy to the World, Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree, Sleigh Ride, O Holy Night, Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas, The First Noel, Do You Hear What I Hear, or so many others? I’m just saying. Those Christmas standards, with no pain or expense, were conjured up in 30 seconds, but your obscenely expensive ad agencies can only offer another year with Carol of the Bells? Are you really doing the best you can do? You’re comfortable signing off another year of the same old, same old? Really?

4) [To the tune of Carol of the Bells.]

All together now – da da da da, da da da da, da da da da, da da da da, da da da da, da da da da, da da da da, da da da da, da da da da, da da da da, da da da da, da da da da, da da da da, da da da da, da da da da, da da da da, da da da da, da da da da … over and over and over, each and every year! Get my drift?

(I was going to end on that note, but I swear on my children, as I type this, on TV right now is a new Christmas car commercial for Kia. The tune they chose? Why, what else, it’s Carol of the Bells!!) I … kid … you … not.

My apologies for paraphrasing Mr. Edgar Allan and his famous poem, but I must say: Carol of the Bells … bells, bells, bells, bells, bells, bells, bells, bells, bells, bells, bells, bells, bells, bells, bells!!!!! Maddening.