My Damn Musings To Go

I'll keep doing this over and over until I get it… wrong

Years ago, pre-internet, I put together my own list, in a book called 500 Questions I’ve Never Heard Anyone Else Ask.

Examples: In those new car commercials, why are roadways always wet? And, when asking a little kid what they’re eating, why do they always open their mouth to show you?

Though I didn’t go overboard trying to get the book published, I did receive some nice feedback. No publishing contract emerged, however. So, here’s some on that list of questions I’ve never heard anyone else ask … which now includes questions I can’t get answers to:

  • In lingerie ads, why is it that the female model will wear high heels, but you’ll never see a male model wearing any shoes whatsoever in an underwear ad?
  • When a news program reports that a ‘skirmish’ broke out somewhere in the middle east, why is that considered news?
  • In today’s world of equality, why do we say “man up,” but never “woman up?”
  • Why is it that people will still watch a regular-season football game that DOESN’T include their favorite team, but will largely ignore a regular-season baseball game that doesn’t include their favorite team?
  • When fans of BOTH teams in a game pray to God for their team to win, what does God do then?
  • If cicadas supposedly appear once every 17 years, why do I hear them every year?
  • What’s the point of taking a “selfie” if the idiot taking it through her mirror has the phone blocking her face?
  • When a neanderthal human killed another neanderthal, did they commit murder, since the 10 commandments (#6 Thou Shalt Not Kill) didn’t come out yet?
  • During the Middle Ages, did the people say they were in the Middle ages?
  • Why do fat people (with those handicap license plates and rear view mirror tags) think that their sloven, obese, fatness is a handicap that should allow them to park closer TO THE FOOD STORE?
  • Why is it that people with real annoying voices never seem to speak quietly?
  • On the national morning TV news programs, why do we still have weathermen not talking about weather where we specifically live? (Are you listening, weather-less, er, worthless Al Roker?)
  • In the 1930’s and 40’s, when a sudden gust of wind blew the hats off men in a crowd, how did the men know which hat was theirs?
  • You can research this yourself, but why do women take wayyyyyyyy longer than men to emerge from a just parked car?
  • We know about dads, but has there been a mom, ever, in the history of mankind, that told their kid to “pull their finger?”
  • If walking everyday is supposed to be such a fat (and calorie) burner, why are there still fat mailmen?
  • When wearing pants, why do women of all ages, shapes and sizes, choose to wear black more than any other color? (Sorry, but the 200 lb. chubbo elephant does NOT look slimmer in them.)
  • As people age, why does their house gradually pick up an odor?
  • Since there’s no Commandment that says “do not covet your neighbor’s husband,” does that mean it isn’t a sin if a woman does?
  • Did you ever notice that funeral directors look like funeral directors? So, did they become a funeral director because they looked like one, or did they start looking like one after they became one?
  • Have you noticed that most new commercials on TV almost always consist of loud, screeching noises, and/or dancing?
  • In any depiction of Adam and Eve, they always resemble modern humans, but shouldn’t they look like Neanderthals since they were the first humans?
  • What’s the logic in Mafia guys going to church?
  • Why is it that people say “be a man” to males but never “be a woman” to females?
  • Since the owner of a restaurant is not its employee, must he wash his hands after using the restroom?
  • How is it that you can look in your car’s rear view mirror, see nothing, look again a half second later, and see a car right on your bumper?
  • When street cart vendors use sanitary gloves to handle your food, but then use the same gloves to handle germ-laden money, what’s the point of the gloves?
  • Why is it, after listening to an interview with a general manager of any sports team, we never have any more information afterward, than before the interview?
  • What is the theoretical probability that two women in the same space WON’T compliment each other’s outfit or accessory?
  • When a renowned sports figure is used in a commercial to hawk a product, why do they make the sports figure hold the ball synonymous with his or her sport, even though the ball has nothing to do with the product?
  • Did you ever notice that car mechanics never hear the weird car noise we tell them we hear? So, did they become a car mechanic after getting hard of hearing, or did they get hard of hearing after becoming a car mechanic?
  • If kids will eat bread, as in sandwiches, why do they leave pizza crust uneaten?
  • Has anyone ever been taken to task for telling us in the early days of Cable TV that it would be commercial-free?
  • Why is it your wife never sees what you want her to see, but always sees what you don’t want her to see?
  • Why are those “Deaf Child in Area” signs in residential neighborhoods still there, even decades after the deaf child is no longer a child and moved away?
  • So, how much money does God really have?
  • Why aren’t I allowed to be as wrong in my job as weatherman are in theirs and still have a job?
  • Why do store clerks still tell us to have a nice day even though it’s 9:00 PM and the day is almost over?
  • Why do they no longer build office buildings where the windows actually open?
  • Has it ever occurred to any radio Disc Jockey in history, that we might love the ending to that great song and they just ruined it by talking over it?
  • Dress codes in nicer restaurants demand that a “tie and jacket is required” for men. So, since it’s all about equality now, shouldn’t we also say, “skirt and hi-heels required” for women?
  • When the latest 93 year old wins this week’s Power Ball for $3,792,987,423, is that what they mean when they always say “lottery winnings benefit older Americans?”
  • Why do little children think no one can see them if they cover their own eyes?
  • When talking to your life insurance rep about, well, life insurance and mortality, shouldn’t there be a limit on how many times they are allowed to say, “God forbid” in one sales pitch?
  • Why is it that flies disappear in the winter, except in fast food restaurants?
  • In the middle east, do they ever run out of rocks to throw at each other?

I have about 4,445,397,745 more, some which I hope to add here on occasion.

Categories: Qs

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