My Damn Musings To Go

I'll keep doing this over and over until I get it… wrong

Years ago, pre-internet, I put together my own list, in a book called 500 Questions I’ve Never Heard Anyone Else Ask.

Examples: In those new car commercials, why are roadways always wet? And, when asking a little kid what they’re eating, why do they open their mouth to show you?

Though I didn’t go overboard trying to get the book published, I did receive some nice feedback. No publishing contract emerged, however. So, here’s some on that list of questions I’ve never heard anyone else ask … which now includes questions I can’t get answers to:

  • If cicadas supposedly appear once every 17 years, why do I hear them every year?
  • What’s the point of taking a “selfie” if the idiot taking it through a mirror has her phone blocking her face?
  • When a neanderthal human killed another neanderthal, did they commit murder, since the 10 commandments (#6 Thou Shalt Not Kill) didn’t come out yet?
  • During the Middle Ages, did the people say they were in the Middle ages?
  • Why do fat people (with those handicap license plates and rear view mirror tags) think that their sloven, obese, fatness is a handicap that should allow them to park closer TO THE FOOD STORE?
  • Why is it that people with real annoying voices never seem to speak quietly?
  • On the national morning TV news programs, why do we still have weathermen talking about weather NOT where we live? (Are you listening, weatherless, er, worthless Al Roker?)
  • In the 1930’s and 40’s, when a sudden gust of wind blew the hats off men in a crowd, how did the men know which hat was theirs?
  • You can check this out yourself, but why do women take way longer to get out of a parked car than men?
  • We know about dads, but has there been a mom, ever, in the history of mankind, that told their kid to “pull their finger?”
  • If walking everyday is supposed to be such a fat and calorie burner, why are there still fat mailmen?
  • When wearing pants, why do women of all ages, shapes and sizes, choose to wear black more than any other color? (7 out of 10, it’s incredible).
  • As people age, why does their house gradually pick up an odor?
  • Since there’s no Commandment that says “do not covet your neighbor’s husband,” does that mean it isn’t a sin if a woman does?
  • Did you ever notice that funeral directors look like funeral directors? So, did they become a funeral director because they looked like one, or did they start looking like one after they became one?
  • Have you noticed that most new commercials on TV almost always consist of loud, screeching noises, and/or dancing?
  • In any depiction of Adam and Eve, they always look like you and me, but shouldn’t they look like Neanderthals since they were the first humans?
  • What’s the logic in Mafia guys going to church?
  • Why is it that people say “be a man” to males but never “be a woman” to females?
  • Since the owner of a restaurant is not its employee, must he wash his hands after using the restroom?
  • How is it that you can look in your car’s rear view mirror, see nothing, look again a half second later, and see a car right on your bumper?
  • When street cart vendors use sanitary gloves to handle your food, but then use the same gloves to handle germ-laden money, what’s the point of the gloves?
  • Why is it, after listening to an interview with a general manager of any sports team, we never really have any more information afterward, than before the interview?
  • What is the theoretical probability that two women in the same space WON’T compliment each other’s outfit or accessory?
  • When a renowned sports figure is used in a commercial to hawk a product, why do they make the sports figure hold the ball synonymous with his or her sport, even though the ball has nothing to do with the product?
  • Did you ever notice that car mechanics never hear the weird car noise we tell them we hear? So, did they become a car mechanic after getting hard of hearing, or did they get hard of hearing after becoming a car mechanic?
  • If kids eat bread, as in sandwiches, why do they leave pizza crust uneaten?
  • Has anyone ever been taken to task for telling us in the early days of Cable TV that it would be commercial-free?
  • Why is it your wife never sees what you want her to see, but always sees what you don’t want her to see?
  • Why are those “Deaf Child in Area” signs in residential neighborhoods still there, even decades after the deaf child was no longer a child and moved away?
  • So, how much money does God really have?
  • Why aren’t I allowed to be as wrong in my job as weatherman are in theirs and still have a job?
  • Why do store clerks still tell us to have a nice day even though it’s 9:00 PM and the day is almost over?
  • Why do they no longer build office buildings where the windows actually open?
  • Has it ever occurred to any radio Disc Jockey in history, that we might love the ending to that great song and they just ruined it by talking over it?
  • Dress codes in nicer restaurants demand that a “tie and jacket is required” for men. So since it’s all about equality now, shouldn’t we also say, “skirt and hi-heels required” for women?
  • When the latest 93 year old wins this week’s Power Ball for $3,792,987,423, is that what they mean when they say “lottery winnings benefit older Americans?”
  • Why do little children think no one can see them if they cover their own eyes?
  • When talking to your life insurance rep about, well, life insurance and mortality, shouldn’t there be a limit on how many times they are allowed to say, “God forbid” in one sales pitch?
  • Why is it that flies disappear in the winter, except in fast food restaurants?
  • In the middle east, do they ever run out of rocks to throw at each other?

I have about 4,445,397,745 more, some which I hope to add here on occasion.

Categories: Qs

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: