Those Screeching PCH Commercials

I’m hoping to win today’s daily $1,000,000,000 contest prize from Publishers Clearing House – no, not to buy houses and cars – but to offer the money back to them. Why? As a plea deal for them NOT to run those torturous commercials, that’s why.

You know the ones where a big, fat mama is on her doorstep, jumping up and down and screeeeeching like a demented hyena. A piercing noise coming from their yap that you wouldn’t think a human could ever make.

Listen to me you Publishers people, would  any one of you ever, ever, want to hear in your lifetime continuous, never-ending commercials where a metal fork is running across a dinner plate … or a roofing nail is dragged across a blackboard?? Of course you wouldn’t. Then for God’s sake, why would you record these embarrassing people expelling similar sounds from their mouths?  Then show it seemingly a thousand times a day on TV. There just doesn’t seem any escaping them, either. I’m sitting down to have dinner and catch up on the news … and here comes yet another screech, literally two seconds into the commercial. That’s just NOT enough time to grab the remote.

If you’re going to continue exploiting these tons o’ fun people, while they’re screeching at dangerous decibel levels that shatter spines in their wake – then please, I beg of you, put that offensive, horrific part at the end of the commercial. This way, when I see it come on, I still have time to mute these animals. I bescreech you. I mean … beseech you.